The search for true friendships, why is it so hard to stay connected with others?

We go thru so many different chapters in our lives, from adolescence to adulthood our desire for acceptance remains the same. For me personally, I have used to term best friend a few times when that title should not have been used; simply because the person or persons shared similar feelings I did at one time in my life. We connect to different people during different fazes of our lives, the power of attraction really comes into play in our relationships and friendships with others. For example, if you’re single and going out a lot you’ll gravitate to someone in the same frequency. Often times we lose them as we enter a new chapter in our lives because we can no longer relate. 

For some people who consider themselves a loyal friend, oftentimes you end up feeling unappreciated in a friendship. Saying things like; “I’d never do that to them, or I would never act like that”. We look for people who are like us, or sometimes for people who have strengths we desire for ourselves. So the question is: Do you really need many friends? or do we crave them to satisfy our ego? We search for people who agree with us, make us feel good about ourselves, even those who offer insight and make us grow. Often times we can be friends with people who drain us, who make us feel less about ourselves when we’re around them, basically because you do not like to be alone. What makes someone a good friend to you? To me, a good friend listens to you, cares about your feelings without dismissing them, you may drift apart but not for long and always talk it out. If you ex-communicate each other after a small disagreement then the friendship was’nt as strong as you thought. Because I’ve learned the ones who truly care for you fight to make it work.

The fact remains we just all want to be accepted yet many of us don’t turn the focus on ourselves, what areas we need to work on and what faults we have. For myself I learned that some of the friends I had in my party days would not transition to my Mommy days, or my married days. As you grow and learn who you are you also realize that the acceptance you’ve been searching for is really of yourself, and not needing someone to stroke your ego. If I need to vent, I write, or go to a therapist. I no longer talk my friends ear off with my problems because the reality is most people have their own struggles and cant always be there when you need them. I stopped saying well I would never do that to someone, as ways of victimizing myself in a friendship because the easy solution is to either cut that person off or talk about it. Sometimes because you’re not on the same frequency it may seem like a lost issue to even discuss the friendship constructively, you don’t dislike them you just outgrew them in the stage that you once shared.

As for me, I enter another chapter in my life; a healthier one where I focus on my energy and surrounding myself around positive like minded people . I have those close friends that are dear to my heart who support and love me, but most importantly I love myself. I notice as I get closer to my truer self the people I attract are better for my soul. I no longer hold grudges for friendships that drifted because ultimately we all have our own lives to live and sometimes have to put ourselves first and isolate ourselves a bit for our own sanity. Showing gratitude for all the love shown to you or the years and keeping focused on your goals will keep you less needy for that connection as you continue to grow. 

NYC based Blogger and Podcast Host, Advocate for Empowement and Mental Health Awareness